The Proper Queen's English
A Guide for the Proper Prouncement and Recitation of Southern English
Hi Y'all! I'm Karen, and the purpose of my book is to teach everyone how to speak proper Southern English.
I've lived in the South all my life, and I'm told that I'm pretty darn good at speaking Southern.
The first thing to know is how to address someone down South. Two or more people are addressed as y'all. Think of the word like a contraction of "you" and "all".
If there are 3 or more people, they can also be addressed as all y'all.
All carbonated beverages are referred to as "Coke". It is acceptable to order a Coke at a restaurant, and then the waitress will ask you "what kind?". You may then clarify your request that you'd like a Sprite, or Mountain Dew, or even a Pepsi.
Proper pronouncation is important in the South. The creature you see pictured on this page is common in the South, and it is called a lightning bug. Children amuse themselves in the summer by catching them and putting them in jars to see their tails light up.
We go to sleep with a night light, and occassionally we drink Sprite. We also think we are always right.
We tend to call our grandparents interesting names, like Memaw and PawPaw.
When Southern women may sometimes "Bless Your Heart".
This is not to be taken as a compliment or a literal prayer. A better translation would be "you stupid idiot! I can't believe you did that!".
Southern women tend to think of themselves as polite, and would never call you an idiot to your face.
And of course, any proper Southern lady has a child who makes fun of her accent. This is my son Drew's best imitation of me.
The giggling in the background is his sister Hannah Rose egging him on.
I hope you've enjoyed your guide to proper Southern English.
Y'all come back now, ya hear?
